MacArthur's, you are the death of me.

It was only a piece of cake. Granted it was called "Better than Sex Cake" but cake nonetheless.  When it entered my mouth, its caramely, chocolately, richness danced in my mouth...and...I thought I would puke. Thankfully for my boyfriend at the time, I managed to hold it down. I did, however, bawl my eyes out and rip him a new one. You see, I was 15, 111 lbs., active and thoroughly OBSESSED with my weight. Clearly seeing the ridiculousness in my culinary preference for rice cakes, iceberg lettuce and water, my boyfriend had decided to expand my horizons and force feed me a piece of this cake. I was so devistated. I was certain that each single calorie equated to another pound added to my frame. A pound I would never be able to get back off.

Looking back, I realize how sorry I feel for that girl who based her entire worth on the scale. So fast-forward 12 years, years filled with a love-hate relationship with food and myself and there you will find a 27-year-old who is technically "obese" and at her whits end. Yes, I've been here before, but each day that passes is one closer to the point of no return. I'm not saying it isn't possible to lose weight as you get older. I'm just saying it's a lot harder and, for me, a lot less likely to happen.  

Over the years, weight has been one of my biggest struggles. I really don't want to say this "outloud" but I have gained over 80 lbs. since that fateful day. I have tried many different ways to change my diet - I don't believe in "dieting" because most are not a sustainable way to live, and you'll most likely pack on the pounds faster than you lost them once you stop dieting.  Unfortunately, the steadfast resolve I possessed in high school has gone the way of many other good intentions...to the very deepest recesses of my mind. In other words, I have minimal long term self-control.

The breaking point for me was stepping on the scale two days ago. Let's just say it was not a number I ever wanted to see. In fact, I had promised myself I would never get to this weight, and yet, here I am. So, I realized...if I don't make serious changes now, I may never be at a healthy weight again. I will face health problems due to my weight, be unable to keep up with my kids because I'm so out of shape, and everyday feel like nothing fits or is comfortable. It took me along time to get up the guts to say this and mean it but - I REFUSE TO LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE!!!

Let's get this straight. This is not about vanity (okay it is a little bit). Really, it is about reaching my happy point. The healthy place. No extremes. I want to be able to say "no" to that bag of chips but be okay with "yes" when I've earned them. To do this, I think I need some major accountability. More than just to myself. So what I've planned is to be open and honest. Whether anyone reads this or not. I will share my successes, failures, challenges and strengths. The goal is to post regularly with "eek" my weight, measurements and pictures. Since it is the evening, I will wait to weigh in tomorrow morning as well as take measurements. I would love support, comments, suggestions...anything to help remind me that this is not a sprint and that it will take time for results. (I lose interest/focus very easily)



So help me out guys. Will it be easy? I hope not, because nothing worth doing is ever just a piece of cake.