So it's been a while. Almost a year! Falling off of the wagon does not describe what happened. I fell off of the planet! And what have I been doing all this time, you might be asking? Well, I've been eating, drinking and sitting on my butt to my little heart's delight (which funnily enough is not good for my heart). I have started back up in school, so that has been a time suck, but overall, I've been epically lazy and bad.
I really thought that I couldn't come back here after so long, but I've decided that falling off of the wagon is part of the struggle, and yet another example of how human wants and desires can lead us so easily off the path towards our goals. Maybe this will inspire someone else who thought it was too late to pick back up and start again. So, here I am.
I have not done a weigh in to see where I am, nor have I taken measurements. I will be doing all of this tomorrow. I have found a new tool, courtesy of my friend Bridget, called MyFitnessPal. It's an app that is basically a calorie counter, but has a bunch of fun features, and I have found it to be quite user friendly. I have to admit that putting your food consumption on paper does make you think twice about putting it in your mouth (that's what she said...sorry). This app has already helped me make better food choices. The library of foods they have is AMAZING! So far, they have everything I tend to eat (including restaurant options). For example, I could easily put down a foot long chicken bacon ranch sandwich at Subway (for over half of my day's calorie allowance). However, I realized that I could have an equally filling lunch for several hundred calories less. Sure, admittedly, there is a different between a sandwich with bacon, cheese and ranch vs. no cheese, light mayo and NO bacon, but I didn't feel like a pile of dead weight after eating it. I have also upped my water intake and am trying to limit my pop intake to almost nil.
I also talked one of my co-workers into walking at the local park with a couple of times a week right after work. It helps because she is at work with me and we can hold each other immediately accountable. I have downloaded the P90X system (yikes!) and plan to start that this week as well.
So why the motivation now? One of the biggest reasons is that I am in one of my best friend's wedding at the end of May and I really don't want to feel uncomfortable and the dreaded word....FAT. I hate that word but it pretty accurately describes how I feel now. I also am nearing my last year in my twenties, and dammit, I am NOT willing to start a new decade being so overweight.
I honestly don't know how this time is going to be any different than the many other times I have tried to lose weight and keep it off. I am scared that like every other time, I will do this for a few weeks and then life will get in the way and...SPLAT...off the wagon I will fall into some delicious, bad for you binge. Motivation has not been my strong point the last couple of years. I have started and stopped many projects and goals. The biggest question weighing on my mind is "can I afford to quit again?" The answer, quite simply, has to be no. Each day, each year, we don't get younger. It gets harder to lose weight and even harder to maintain it. Not doing this now quite possibly means never doing it for me. I'm not ready to throw in the towel.
I have learned some things from my previous attempts.
(1) I cannot become obsessed. That leads to guilt, burnout and binges.
(2) I have to be honest with myself. When I am not giving the best I can, I need to own up to that but not beat myself up so badly that I give up.
(3) I WILL MESS UP. Period.
(4) Life is NEVER going to be 100% convenient for a weight loss mentality. I have to have a plan to deal with those incidental moments when someone wants to meet up for dinner and drinks or when ice cream is on super sale at the grocery store:)
(5) Weight loss is a marathon, not a sprint. I am not on Biggest Loser and can't devote 4 hours a day to working out. Nor do I want to (see #1).
Back at the beginning, I find myself hopeful but cautious. Cautiously optimistic, as they say. But I'm here and willing.
